Golf widow...
A man and his secretary are having an affair, so one afternoon they get a motel room and have strenuous sex. He's not used to the pace, so he falls asleep afterwards and doesn't wake up until about 8:30 that night, at which time he realizes it's late and that he has to get home.

He says to his secretary, "Quick ! While I get dressed, you take my shoes outside and drag them around through the grass and mud."

Puzzled, the Secretary complies. When the man gets home about 9:30 his wife confronts him and asks him where he's been.

The man says, "I cannot lie to you. I spent the better part of the day doing my secretary in a motel room, then I fell asleep, woke up later, and came right home."

The woman looks down at his shoes and says, "You lying b*****d, you've been out playing golf again!"

A hard game...
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway.

"What happened?" asked the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!"

"Gus had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband.

"Oh, that's terrible," said the wife.

"I know," the husband answered. "All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Gus, hit the ball, drag Gus . . . "

Nuns playing golf...
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in it's claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f***ing putt, didn't you?

Proposed Rule Revision
A proposed revision to the rules of golf is being sought in South Florida which will replace the traditional call of "FORE". Once a player has hit an errant shot, he will be allowed to call "GORE" while the ball is still in flight. He can then replace the ball in the same spot and hit it again to try for a better position than the first shot.

The player can do this until he is satisfied the ball is going where he has INTENDED to hit it in the first place. This will cause the time of play to be extended until such time the player can claim the hole.

This revision is causing some consternation to the PGA, but proponents say it is only "fair," since only the "intended shots" should be considered.

A recent test of this new rule was just played out in an exclusive club in Palm Beach County, Florida, and the first hole only took 7 days to complete. Further testing may need extra judgments to achieve the desired results.